Go Red Sox!

Here is Noah in his sling. I'm looking down at him sleeping.

So the Red Sox won the World Series last night way past my bedtime, but I stayed up and now I'm paying for it with fatigue. I credit Noah's birth for being the reason the Red Sox went all the way this year!

Noah has been crabby for about 24 hours. I'm not sure what is going on, but I hate leaving him at daycare with the thought that he needs me extra today. I am secretly praying they call me to come and get him, but Ms. Tammy (daycare) seemed unfazed when I told her to call me if he was crying excessively. "Maybe it's the change of season," was all she said. A mommy knows when her boy is not quite right. I just wish I could fix it.

In his happier moments he is babbling SO much. He talk's the most with Brian. I'm jealous so he tried to teach me how to look like I am waiting for a verbal response from Noah in order to have him talk to me more. I cannot do it like he can, must be a daddy thing.

It was finally cold here yesterday. I got to put Noah into a sweatshirt and cotton hat...too cute. Brian and I went to Starbucks and got coffees (mine was mostly decaf) and then went to stroll Noah at the park. We discovered the strollers cup holders are not Starbucks friendly (Spilled) and we also decided we don't like Starbucks coffee anyway and we swore it off forever(for now). We'll stick to Dunkin' Donuts coffee like good yankees.

This morning when I dropped Noah off at daycare they gave me the proof from the professional photos they took his first week there. They are very cute. Of course in my frazzled-ness I forgot them there. But I will order some and try to get it scanned in so we can make copies.

This weekend was blissfully low key. Brian worked on a Spook Box for his work where you reach your hand in a box 'blindly' and have to figure out what is inside. He has created this elaborate cage-like thing with fingers coming out of the 'bars.' I will post pictures when I get some. We slept over Mom and Dads on Saturday in order to have World Series party. It was fun but I neither Bri nor I could keep our eyes open after midnight to finish watching the game. I've become a lightweight since Noah. Speaking of lightweight, I had a Sam Adams Black Lager beer this weekend.....my first since this time last year! ahhhhh....

Wicked Wednesday

Here are the boys from this weekend's visit to the pumpkin patch.

Have you ever heard of 'fake it till you make it?" This is what I have been doing about adjusting to daycare and not being home with Noah. It caught up with me last night. I have been putting on a brave face, but my mask cracked last night. Even though I love my job, I realized that I am angry that I have to work and that I can't be home with Noah. I know this may be my only chance to raise a child and I feel like I am missing out on it. I really like the daycare he's at, but I want to be the one who teaches and entertains him during the day.

Brian and I talked all about our options and choices last night. I just dont see another way we could do this. I am finding myself living for 5 when I can go get Noah and then being upset that we only have 3 hours max of awake time with him. It also makes the weekends when the boys come seem like I have no alone time with Noah. I didnt realize how hard it was going to be to go from being with him everyday to working 9.5 hour days.

In the short term, Brian is going to do the morning prep while I nurse and get Noah ready for school so I can spend more time with him that is less rushed. I also think I am going to have to make a mind shift from feeling desperate about our time together to being grateful instead. I just cannot imagine that 1000's of women do this every day! I hate it. I know it will get better, it has to.

Sorry for the bummed post.

On the upside, I feel so blessed to have a husband I can tell all this too. I feel blessed to have a healthy son and healthy stepsons. I feel blessed that feelings are temporary and I wont feel this way forever. I feel blessed that the Red Sox are in the series tonight....hehehe.

Falling into Monday

Here's Daddy changing Noah on my desk on Friday when he came for the exchange.

Happy Monday!

We had a very busy weekend. I'm almost glad it's Monday. Grandma Marty came up from Tampa and scooped up Yosef and Kaeden along the way. Having the whole family together is wonderful and a bit overwhelming all at once. I think I could get more used to it if the boys stayed with us all the time or at least more often (but that's another story).

We went out to dinner on Friday at Tijuana Flatts (Yum!) and on Saturday we made a haunted ginger bread house from a kit GM had brought with her. It was so much fun and it came out great! We then went to a pumpkin patch and got 3 pumpkins and took some pictures. The boys did a great job carving them (well, Brian did a great job carving their designs). The boys (including Bri) have a funny aversion to the pumpkin 'guts' so that was my area. The seeds are a yummy payoff so I don't mind. Saturday night we watched The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and then, of course, the Red Sox!

Yesterday we did some crafty picture making and then said good bye to GM before heading to my Mom and Dad's. The boys brought the ginger bread house to eat with their Memere. Black frosting=black teeth, lips, hands, toothbrushes. Brian brought the boys home and Noah and I chilled out at home. He fell asleep just before the Red Sox began their victorious game! Woo-hoo!!

My son blessed me by falling asleep on the way to daycare this morning. It is so much easier to drop him off when he is sleeping. They were installing a soft mirror on the wall near the floor mats today. Last week they had me bring photos to post on the wall behind his crib so he 'sees' us during the day. I think this is just to make me feel better, not him.

Our family were stars this weekend! We had professional pictures taken at the beach on 8/11 courtesy of Mom and Dad and they were the featured photographs at the photographers booth at the Southern Women's Show this weekend and her business card has Bri and I kissing, Noah and Noah's toes on it! Too cool!

Getting Started

This photo is Noah at Memere's 'Daycare' (my mom) on Monday 10/15.

Not that I'm even sure anyone would want to read about my life, but I thought this may be a cool way to keep everyone up to speed on our family and milestones since our extended family is so spread out around the country.

Today is just a 'regular' day. Our new 'regular'. I get up at 5am now. I am not a morning person, but I SO look forward to going to wake Noah. It makes 5am worth it. He is sleeping in 5 hour stretches now (he's 14 weeks on Saturday). This is a wonderful development and one that my sister had to assure me was going to happer when I sobbed to her on the phone in month #2 when he wasnt wanting to go to, or stay, asleep.

This week also marks a change in my perspective on nursing. Aside from some doctor-ordered supplementing his first week of life, I had exclusively breastfed Noah. Then when I returned to work and began pumping 3x a day, my supply went down. It's sad. I want to be Supermom and be able to provide for all his nutritional needs.But after emailing with my Sister in Law and doing some net research, I decided to take the pressure off myself and allow for the F-word. Yup,were using formula. Mom hooked me up with a case of formula from her old job. Thank you GOD! I am now pumping when I feel like I need to (2x/day) at work and usually once at night. Some breast milk is better than none.

It turns out I like the freedom of not having to nurse all the time. Although this freedom comes with a dose of guilt that I would want freedom. Aaaahhh The motherhood guilt that my friend's warned me about...

Other things going on in my life...

I am still active in Overeaters Anonymous. I go to one meeting a week right now, although I'd like to get back to two meetings once we get a routine down. Two meetings = more serenity and more connection to God for me. My God connection is slightly forced at the moment. My feeling that God is large and in charge is taking a fair amount of effort and sometimes my prayers are just words. My eating has been ok, but not like it was pre-pregnancy. I will get back there.

My weight bugs me. I dont fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes, which sucks. It took so long to grow a wardrobe that felt like 'me' and now I have to settle for the handful of things that fit....ick... Fitting in exercising seems impossible at the moment as my day is packed!

My job is good: same drama, different month.

I guess that is all for now!