Wicked Wednesday

Here are the boys from this weekend's visit to the pumpkin patch.

Have you ever heard of 'fake it till you make it?" This is what I have been doing about adjusting to daycare and not being home with Noah. It caught up with me last night. I have been putting on a brave face, but my mask cracked last night. Even though I love my job, I realized that I am angry that I have to work and that I can't be home with Noah. I know this may be my only chance to raise a child and I feel like I am missing out on it. I really like the daycare he's at, but I want to be the one who teaches and entertains him during the day.

Brian and I talked all about our options and choices last night. I just dont see another way we could do this. I am finding myself living for 5 when I can go get Noah and then being upset that we only have 3 hours max of awake time with him. It also makes the weekends when the boys come seem like I have no alone time with Noah. I didnt realize how hard it was going to be to go from being with him everyday to working 9.5 hour days.

In the short term, Brian is going to do the morning prep while I nurse and get Noah ready for school so I can spend more time with him that is less rushed. I also think I am going to have to make a mind shift from feeling desperate about our time together to being grateful instead. I just cannot imagine that 1000's of women do this every day! I hate it. I know it will get better, it has to.

Sorry for the bummed post.

On the upside, I feel so blessed to have a husband I can tell all this too. I feel blessed to have a healthy son and healthy stepsons. I feel blessed that feelings are temporary and I wont feel this way forever. I feel blessed that the Red Sox are in the series tonight....hehehe.